Wednesday, July 30, 2008


"I HAVE studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me—
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire—
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid."
-Spoon River Anthology

Monday, June 30, 2008

Music is my life...

Inspirations 1 & 2, Lydia and Sam

I can always tell what kind of a day I'll have by the first song I hear on the radio-online or otherwise. Thanks to and the 80s station I listen to, todays song was "Break my Stride", by Matthew Wilder. A moderate hit in 1983-84, it's an upbeat tune about never giving up. Somehow, on this rainy, muggy Monday in NC I
just can't get behind that idea. Today is one of those days where everyone would've been better off if I stayed home. Alone. Under the covers. Sigh. Let's search for some inspiration, kids. Here's what I could find....

I find inspiration in the following things: my niece, Lydia, and my nephew, Sam; they give me hope for the future. A good book you cannot put down; I've been lucky enough to have hit a string of those lately. A really good song; these days it's "Say" by John Mayer. My mothers cooking; last night she made shrimp riggies- some of you might now know what they are, but trust me, it's like a little bit of heaven in your mouth. Vacations from my mind-numbing job; I have one coming up in 32 days. The beach...ahh the smell, the calming peace I get from sitting on the sand and daydreaming as I look out at the waves. The barn where my friend Susan keeps her horses; this is a new joy. I can't believe that I've lived 31 years without this life-altering experience. Words can't describe it, all I can say is if there is a God, being at that barn is the closest I've come to HIM/HER.

Sometimes it's important to revisit these inspirations on a day like today. What can I say? "Life is chaos; every gorilla for himself".

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Working on a Sunday? Only in the South...

Here's the mighty warrior Phin...sleeping in my pillowcase after a long battle.

Here I sit....why is it that I always wish I was somewhere else? It's a terrible way to live. I'll go out with friends for dinner and drinks and wish I was home. I'll come to work and wish I was home. I'll mooch dinner off my mom and wish I was home. See a pattern?

This is my first blog ever. I'm hoping that it's something I can keep up with. Like everything else in my life I'm scared it'll be my new addiction for a little while, then I'll drop it. I'm a bit of a quitter, I'm ashamed to admit. I come by it honestly, though. Always blame the parents, they expect it. Anyway, I'm happy to say that I was inspired to start this blog by a good friend. She's fearless and I admire that; she even got me to swim in the ocean a few weeks ago. One by one she's helping me face my fears. It's not always easy, and there's times I want to pimp slap her (she knows I kid cause I love), but she encourages me cause she knows that facing my fears is in my best interest. She rocks.

I have a tendency to yammer on and on...get used to it. That reminds me, I need to take my meds.
Here's to better living through medication...and maybe through blogging. We'll see.